My baby...

Will always bey baby.

After much prayer and discernment, we are trusting God as we registered Joseph for prek today at the local school.  

There has been so much soul searching, on my part, a loosening up of my grip on my desire to do things my way, and courage to trust God to continue caring for ALL of Joseph's needs even when not by my side all day, every day.  I am

In tears, here.  Not my happiest day, but Joseph is plenty excited enough for the two of us!  Let's just say, I am glad I have another six months to better prepare my heart.  As for right now, I am celebrating that his is making progress in pulling up his own clothes after going to the bathroom.  Tonight, I am celebrating this little boy, who has a heart of gold, a bright imagination, and the coolest train adventures!

Learning

these days are all about learning. And learning is just plain exhausting. Every day when Jessy gets home, I just want to collapse on the sofa. I want to, doesn't mean I GET to. The reality of my life these days is that it is exactly what I wanted. Although I seriously thought I would have been better at parenting than I am. For example, I am just getting Joseph to wear real underwear. It only took a few months :) No really, we tried for awhile and then after a few days, he was over it and I like peace more than fighting a 40 pound child to get on the potty so I never pushed. For the last week, it has all been about underwear. I seriously thought this day would not be coming, but it has and it has taught me a lot about my natural inclinations and how I get wrapped up in sometimes wondering if my goal is ever going to be met. Almost always, in the course of things, things have a way of working out. I am learning that with Joseph. I am learning that with Matthew, too. Today was a trying day for no particular reason, just that with Joseph being sick lately with a nutty cold that wants to hang around and us using a new medication from the doctor, sleep is about as good as having a newborn. Yet with my eyes wide open at being a parent, I am learning that I am seeing my own Mom through a new set of eyes. My eyes are kinder. It does not take away all the struggles that I face because of her crosses, but it does make me thankful for the goodness she does share and bestow. My life is a myriad of half-finished projects, blessings that make my cup overflow, and sorrow that that is deep for my family and friends that are suffering tremendously. I have been struggling with discerning about whether or not to be so present in the blogs or facebook. I am discerning just trying to get back to my pen and paper journaling but I am deeply torn. I love all of my friends out here in the blog world. I can relate to all of you, I love to celebrate the blessings and pray for all of your struggles. I am wondering if I am called to a more interior life. Yet, I know that this is my link right now to those who are my inspiration and who can bring me a laugh at the end of a hard day. I started this blog in the hopes that I could work out my discernment about homeschooling and while that is still a part of my journey, it is not one that I am sure any of my readers are interested. Another struggle I am facing is that I don't really have many in real life friends. My community is very isolating and I am not very outgoing. My friends that I have had since college are even less accessible lately, their plates are full of raising older and more kids. This is another reason I am needing to make some connections that may bring about joy for our family. Yet, I know this stage will pass to swiftly so I am taking small steps to figure out which direction to take next. I hope all of my *2* readers are doing well and having a great start to a new year.

My thoughts

I am going to just put this out there. Nothing quite prepared me for the emotions, challenges, or joy that comes when having the chance to have a home full of noise and lively, healthy children. I started my other blog over five years ago, in the midst of heartbrokenness and infertility, I found healing and community in my blog community. Such kindred spirits. I thank God everyday for leading me to healing in such a unfamiliar way. I have never been much on computers and still not so great (except for shopping and blogging) but something in my spirit changed when I was able to find others who shared my desire for motherhood, my deep faith in Christ, and my great love for the Catholic Church and her teachings. After much medical intervention, prayers, and blessings our home is now notably filled with all I ever dreamed it would be and I even have the blessing of being home to care for my family. Since the blessing of our little boy, my infertility blog became a Mommy blog. I did not mean to isolate myself so much, but I did want to use my blog as a way to journal my time as a Momma and my little boy's life. Soon after Joseph came into our family, we were blessed to welcome my two cousins into our home to raise as well. While Joseph was 7 months old, we welcomed a 13 and 15 year old. All three boys, so much action :) It has been a rocky road with the older boys, but we now have a 2 year old (will be 3 in six weeks) and a 17 year old (6 feet tall +) in our home. This blog is going to my way to be public again because I am just wanting to receive the kind of support I received 5 years ago. However, the things I struggle with today are very different. Now, I am discerning if homeschooling is the path our family is being asked to take. Is it God's voice I am hearing or my own. When I kneel down to pray, am I listening to God or are my own thoughts running the show?