Learning

these days are all about learning. And learning is just plain exhausting. Every day when Jessy gets home, I just want to collapse on the sofa. I want to, doesn't mean I GET to. The reality of my life these days is that it is exactly what I wanted. Although I seriously thought I would have been better at parenting than I am. For example, I am just getting Joseph to wear real underwear. It only took a few months :) No really, we tried for awhile and then after a few days, he was over it and I like peace more than fighting a 40 pound child to get on the potty so I never pushed. For the last week, it has all been about underwear. I seriously thought this day would not be coming, but it has and it has taught me a lot about my natural inclinations and how I get wrapped up in sometimes wondering if my goal is ever going to be met. Almost always, in the course of things, things have a way of working out. I am learning that with Joseph. I am learning that with Matthew, too. Today was a trying day for no particular reason, just that with Joseph being sick lately with a nutty cold that wants to hang around and us using a new medication from the doctor, sleep is about as good as having a newborn. Yet with my eyes wide open at being a parent, I am learning that I am seeing my own Mom through a new set of eyes. My eyes are kinder. It does not take away all the struggles that I face because of her crosses, but it does make me thankful for the goodness she does share and bestow. My life is a myriad of half-finished projects, blessings that make my cup overflow, and sorrow that that is deep for my family and friends that are suffering tremendously. I have been struggling with discerning about whether or not to be so present in the blogs or facebook. I am discerning just trying to get back to my pen and paper journaling but I am deeply torn. I love all of my friends out here in the blog world. I can relate to all of you, I love to celebrate the blessings and pray for all of your struggles. I am wondering if I am called to a more interior life. Yet, I know that this is my link right now to those who are my inspiration and who can bring me a laugh at the end of a hard day. I started this blog in the hopes that I could work out my discernment about homeschooling and while that is still a part of my journey, it is not one that I am sure any of my readers are interested. Another struggle I am facing is that I don't really have many in real life friends. My community is very isolating and I am not very outgoing. My friends that I have had since college are even less accessible lately, their plates are full of raising older and more kids. This is another reason I am needing to make some connections that may bring about joy for our family. Yet, I know this stage will pass to swiftly so I am taking small steps to figure out which direction to take next. I hope all of my *2* readers are doing well and having a great start to a new year.